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I like to think that I am a pretty open-minded guy. I have stated on many occasions that no matter where you are on the kink-o-meter, whether you are into monogamy or you are a Non-Mon, whether you are into BDSM, leather, orgies, or exhibitionism…whether you like a little pain or tantric massage, whether you are gay straight or bi, whether you are a dom, a sub or switch, or whether you are trying to live the Vanilla ideal watering your astro-turf on Saturday afternoons… I really don’t give a rat’ s ass…as long as you don’t hurt anyone who doesn’t want to be hurt, or involve children.

That being said, I am hardly a Vanilla-phobe. Although I often talk about the Vanilla Cult, I am not referring to all Vanillas, rather those who chose to judge people who live their life different than the way they think we should. As a swinger, a Non-Mon, I occasionally have fallen victim to other people’s pre-conceived notions as to the relationship marriage and monogamy have. Depending on the nature of their evaluation, I have several ways of explaining many of the different ways that they should go fuck themselves. Don’t judge me, and I won’t judge you.

This one gets to me though, and until recently it had not been brought to my attention. AVEN: The Asexual Visibility Network…  http://www.asexuality.org/home/ …I’m about to break my own rule.

In case you were thinking this was about Michael Jackson, think again. This is a real group of assholes with a mission statement looking for an identity, and the Vanilla Cult is using them to their advantage. With their unrealistic abstinence approach to life in general, unless its done within the confines of monogamous marriage (which doesn’t really exist) these self important Vanilla zealots champion the Asexual as an example of how to not have sex… “Hey, if they can do it so can you!!!!” The Vanilla Cult would rather you be as miserable as these dullards rather than acknowledging your own sexuality. Here is a little something from their website, and as usual, my reply will be underneath in Red.

About AVEN

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) was founded in 2001 with two distinct goals: creating public acceptance and discussion of asexuality and facilitating the growth of an asexual community. Since that time we have grown to host the world’s largest asexual community, serving as an informational resource for people who are asexual and questioning, their friends and families, academic researchers and the press. AVEN members throughout the world regularly engage in visibility projects, included but not limited to distributing informational pamphlets, leading workshops, arranging local meetups and speaking to interested press. The AVEN community centers around the web forum, which provides a safe space for asexual and questioning people and their partners, friends and families to discuss their experiences.

What?!?!?!?!? You need to make people aware that you don’t want to have sex? Who actually gives a shit about this? By all means stay as celibate as you want. You don’t need to form a committee to explain why you don’t want sex. This is nothing but attention getting humbug. It’s not like people who aren’t into having sex are discriminated against…do people call you names? Are your jobs being threatened? Are Mommy and Daddy disappointed? Jesus on a pogo stick…this is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever read…until of course, I started reading further…

Overview

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community, each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.

They are Asexual, yet they experience attraction and arousal?… In other words, they are celibate!!!

Relationships

Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.

So Asexuals like to date sexual people, and have intimate romantic relationships? It’s just that they don’t want sex? …It sounds to me like their sexual release comes from teasing people and having people interested in them sexually. What selfish jerks.

Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.

Monogamous in a non-sexual relationship? What the fuck does that mean? They can’t not have no sex with anyone else? Their criteria for relationships leaves out the most important part of any relationship, and that’s HONESTY.

Attraction

Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as gay, bi, or straight.

This might be the dumbest thing written on this page. So if two Asexuals are attracted to each other…are you trying to tell me that if Mary the Asexual starts sucking John the Asexual’s dick (in a non-sexual way of course, just like they were shaking hands), little Johnny isn’t going to sprout wood? Give me a fucking break…That is what attraction is you fucking morons.

Arousal

For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.

Holy Cowshit…you mean these dipshits jerk-off, but have no sexual desire? You’ll have to forgive, but I am having a difficult time understanding this concept. The last time I spunked into a towel thinking of an inanimate object was…uh….never. The most recent was a MILF at Stop-n-Shop. This absolutely proves how full of shit they are.

Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.

Identity

Most people on AVEN have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.

Of course there’s no litmus test, because there is no such thing in the first place. Everyone is sexual…EVERYONE. Very nice of you to encourage people to acknowledge the truth…do you also encourage them to acknowledge they have nostrils? Damn you suck.

With the assault on sexuality in this country, and with the religious right imposing their version of puritan morality on freethinking America, it’s no wonder that a group like this would form. The guilt, fear and self hatred many people experience when they have (natural) feelings that their religion and upbringing tell them are indecent can often be a burden that is too much to bear. Normally people will just become fat, or watch a lot of reality television to cope. This Asexuality claim is extreme though, it reminds me of smaller cults, and how they use the ills of society to convince the easily lead that they should withdraw further from it, and join them. This is the essence of brain washing.

If people don’t want to have sex, that is fine. No one should have sex if they don’t want to, and frankly, that leaves more for those of us who do. Having people like that around is like ordering a pizza when your roommates have a stomach virus… “I’ll eat that last slice, thanks.” It’s just that driving people into denial and self-loathing is really cruel, and if nothing else, shows the power the Vanilla Cult has over the sensibly susceptible.

Make no mistake; the existence of this group is just another weapon in the arsenal of the powerful Vanilla Cult.  It is another way to make people apologize for who they are, and what they are feeling… And Asexuality is the newest symptom of the psychological warfare. The sad truth is, if it weren’t for the culture of sexual suppression in this country, groups like AVEN couldn’t fill a Starbucks.