See Dick run. See Jane run. See Spot run.
What makes Dick and Jane run?
Run Dick and Jane, run.
After many requests, my wife, Jane, and I have decided to try a blog. Granted, most of these requests came from fans of my wife, who if nothing else are hoping to see revealing pictures of her. We understand. She is a lot easier to look at than I am. Please understand that this section is for entertainment purposes only… The way that we live our lives is the way that is best for US. We understand that everyone’s wants; needs, goals, and desires are different.

While watching Peter Lowe, a motivational speaker who was boring me to tears, I couldn’t help but be offended as this self-promoting dickhead forced his audience to watch footage of him and his family bungee jumping in some forest, with the underlying tone of his speech being that if we followed his words of “wisdom”, that we too could attain these heights (pun intended) in our otherwise boring lives. Calling some shmuck up on stage to break a board with his fist is one thing, selling people on the significance of this shmuck breaking a board is another.

Jane and I are not breaking boards, nor are we attempting to make the claim that should you become Non-Mons, that your life will be as wonderful as ours. We are normal, middle class people, who work really hard at our careers, and party really hard when we have time off. Unless we can entertain you with the more mundane aspects of our lives, we won’t write about them. After all, who wants to hear about our leaky faucet? We’ll write about the fun stuff because we usually find a way to have some laughs, and when it all boils down, that is when Jane wears her most revealing outfits.

We’ll pick up at the beginning of summer, 2006. We didn’t want to back track too far…Richard Woods and Jane Dior…Dick and Jane’s blog. Enjoy…
There is nothing like that first day in spring when you can wear a t-shirt and not freeze your ass off. The winters in NYC suck, unless you enjoy the snow turning ash gray, or stepping in a puddle of slush. I will make no bones about being a pussy when it comes to the cold weather. On those really frigid days in January, Pam Anderson could rub up against me and I probably still couldn’t get wood. Jane on the other hand, is from Canada, and she laughs openly at my inability to adapt to the cold.

May 06’

Needless to say, I wasn’t upset when Jane had a weeklong business conference in Palm Springs, California. They could have chosen Fairbanks, Alaska, and I would have had to invent some crisis at work that would prevent me from going. As it stands, we hate to be apart for more than a day, so a week would have really been a drag. Thankfully I was able to tag along. Basically the week went like this; Jane would be in business conferences all day, and I would play golf and hang out by the pool with my iPod. I really suck. We went out at night at least, and surprisingly we discovered a few people younger than sixty that reside in Palm Springs, and we found where they all hang out.
Jane with the gorgeous scenery in the background… check out the palm trees in the background
Don’t get me wrong; it is absolutely beautiful there. It may be the nicest place I have ever seen. The weather and the scenery are gorgeous. If I lived there I would take a broken beer bottle to my jugular vein. They drive so freaking slow that you have a greater chance of getting hit by lightning than you do by a car. It took five minutes for the waiter to bring coffee, and another five to get cream. For a New Yorker, there is no greater hell than slow moving people. But as bloodlettings go, it was very nice.
June, 06’

There is no way to attend every lifestyles party in and around the NY metro area. We have a few that we frequent, some because they are local, and others because we always have a blast. Once a month our friend Mike throws off-premise parties in regular Vanilla clubs. He always gets a great crowd, so Jane and I kicked off our summer attending one his parties in North Jersey. Basically we were just dropping by to say hi to friends, dance, and have a few laughs. We always have a great time at these parties.
Here is Jane waving hello, when she’d rather have a Malibu Bay Breeze in her hand…
We met some really great people, as well as getting to see friends that we hadn’t seen in a while. But to be honest, we went home early that night having accomplishing our mission by 1 AM. We really connected with a few people there, and we made dates to meet later in the week. We had a bit of a drive back home, so by 2 o’clock we were back on the highway. Great party, thrown by a really fun host, and a fantastic way to officially start our summer.
…And here she is dancing in a line of serious hotties…
Still June 06’….

And speaking of really fun hosts…Jane and I have become friendly with a fantastic couple who throws parties in Manhattan and New Jersey. We have only been to a couple of their parties, but they have both been off the hook fantastic. When they’re in NJ they usually throw “Hotel Parties”, which are parties either thrown in a hotel ballroom, or in an attached club. The benefits of this are that you can get yourself a room, and not worry about having to drive home at night, and should you find another couple that you are interested in, you can just venture up to your room. Most of this crowd is the same as from the party just a couple of weeks before, which is to say they are really hot looking. We are always up for drunken debauchery…
…and here we are dressed for the party …guess who gets the better end of this deal?
Here is Jane in our hotel room before the party… luckily the room had two queen sized beds…
So we danced and drank and laughed with our friends all night. It’s amazing how many laughs are to be had at a bash like this. It makes flirting a whole lot easier when the climate of the room is so terrific. The DJ makes a big difference too, and the room had a really sexy groove going on. When the music stopped, you could tell the real partying was about to begin. We met a great couple that was just starting out as Non-Mons, and we were glad that we could connect with them. We had a GREAT time hanging out with the rest of the night
Jane in her orange sun dress…and to think some otherwise heterosexual men join the priesthood…go figure.
Then we just finished out June by hanging around our pool…relaxing. The key to enjoying one’s self in their own pool is to have a floating cooler, a radio with good reception, and comfortable lounge chairs… and of course having a wife that looks like this in a bikini doesn’t hurt either…
Fortunately, we have a lot of privacy in our back yard.