“Why does divorce cost so much? Because it’s worth it."

                                                                             -Henny Youngman

            The truth hurts.

            Very few things annoy the crap out of me more than people who use the cover of “morality” to promote their own agenda…particularly when it comes at the expense of the truth. We’re bombarded these days with deceitful jerkoffs who sit upon their moral high horse condemning anything that ostensibly impressionable people will not only believe without applying scrutiny, but who will also offer the desired knee jerk reaction. Under the banner of “family values”, self-agendizing opportunists go unchallenged when doling out gratuitous clichés that amount to nothing more than politically correct drivel.  In order to get their face on camera, and their name associated with what they perceive to be the most advantageous stance, they will say anything provided they feel it would do them good...regardless of the facts. Those who would sacrifice truth for personal gain are beyond sickening.

           Such was the case on Rush Street in Chicago’s where the world’s most controversial billboard brought out this type of phony moral outrage.

 "It's grotesque," said John Ducanto, past president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. "It's totally undignified and offensive." 

           An advertisement for law firm Fetman Garland & Associates read simply “Life’s Short. Get a Divorce”, with very attractive pictures of a male and female torso. The location chosen was a district nicknamed “Viagra Triangle” because of the amount of socializing that occurs there, some of which is undoubtedly of the non consensual, extra marital variety. Apparently, some people thought that this would bring about the end of the institution of marriage, and took offense. What assholes.

           The spokesperson for the firm, Corri Fetman, (an easy on the eyes lawyer herself) was left defending the ad against local political opportunists who couldn’t resist spewing bullshit once a microphone was shoved in their self-indulgent faces.

   "Our community does not take divorce lightly, and unfortunately that ad promotes divorce," said Karen Enright, president-elect of the Women's Bar Association of Illinois.       

         Really Karen… your community doesn’t take divorce lightly, what, as opposed to some other communities that do? Is the president elect of the Women’s Bar Association really dumb enough to believe that people will suddenly see a girl in a bikini and a guy with six pack abs and run out and get a divorce? Does she go out and buy a car every time she finds the model they use to help advertise it attractive? She must think we are even more stupid than we are, which is difficult to do. But this self-righteousness gets even better.

          "It's a cheap stunt that encourages recreational sex, sport sex," said Jeffery Leving, who specializes in fathers' rights. "Lawyers have a lot of power to decide whether a marriage ends in divorce or not. People who are thinking about getting a divorce are very vulnerable.”

          It would be a shame if Mr. Leving broke his knees in a fall, huh? First of all, what is wrong with recreational sex? I think this dickhead needs to get out more. Lets get this straight Jeffy boy… lawyers have that kind of power? Who do they think they are, Dr. Phil? If you show me even one lawyer that has turned down a divorce case and asked the person seeking counsel to try to patch it up with their spouse, I’ll take back my breaking his knees in a fall crack… and yes, people who are thinking about getting a divorce are vulnerable, but they are even more so when it comes to societal pressure to stay together, even when they are miserable.

"It trivializes divorce and I think it's absolutely disgusting," said Rick Tivers, a clinical social worker at the Center for Divorce Recovery in Chicago.

          Right…this ad trivializes divorce by suggesting that if people are truly unhappy that perhaps they should seek fulfillment elsewhere, as opposed to the traditional lies that married people are told by social workers like Rick who often suggest that couples stay together and waste several more years of their lives trying to work something out that they both know doesn’t stand a chance but make the futile attempt out of the guilt peddled by assholes like this.  Personally I think people who are self righteous and indignatious are disgusting.

          One guy had the balls to be honest though…

"I wish I'd thought of it first," said attorney Enrico J. Mirabelli. "When your advertisement generates publicity, you've hit a home run."

          Aha! Finally someone with some integrity, and the underlying reason I fear that many have taken to such overt negative reactions. If Mr. Mirabelli were a scumbag, he would have pretended to be morally offended and gotten more press, as it stands all he gets is a plug from me.

          I would like to see how much research any of these alleged moralists, who seem to be protecting the sanctity of marriage, have put into how many lives were wasted staying in unhappy life sentences? They are quick to criticize divorce, but have any of them considered the negative impact of staying together if you are unhappy? Do they realize the toll that can take on your health, and the negative impact that can have on children?

          Should people try to work things out of they can? Sure they should. But exactly how long should people try? The answer is different for every person. How many years must pass before a woman who hasn’t been brought to orgasm in years and is married to a boorish, flannel wearing, ballgame watching oaf who doesn’t give a damn decides that she’s had enough?  How patient should a man be whose wife doesn’t have enough respect for herself or for him to care that she’s 80lbs heavier than their wedding day, and the situation is not getting better despite all the positive encouragement he can offer? When a marriage dissolves it is never spur of the moment, and it is never because of a picture of a girl in a bikini or a guy in biker shorts. Marriages end for a variety of reasons, and a billboard is never one of them.

          Life is worth living, and no one should give it up so they can live up to the astigmatic expectations of dolts who most likely can’t abide by their own standards themselves. To suggest that people should not settle for anything less than happiness is not remotely irresponsible, or immoral. The Critics of this advertisement are aware that they are defending an institution that has an abysmal success rate, but they are equally aware of the politically correct position to take on this topic. Exactly how much damage do they truly believe this billboard does? Not much I suspect, but it’s a great way to promote themselves as the bastions of morality at the expense of the truth. Christ they suck.

Finally, Lets hear from the really  great looking Ms. Fetman herself, and her take on the most famous five words in Chicago…       "No one's going to go outside, see a billboard and say, 'Oh my God, you know, I'm going home and having a divorce”         Bingo.       "The message is, if you're unhappy, do something about it, It's really no different than a motivational book that says, 'Live the best life you can - be happy.' "        Damn. I love this girl.