Betcha can't eat just one.

Alright… first things first… What the hell is a Non-Mon? Well in essence, it means the same thing as being a swinger, which is at best an ambiguous term. But considering the negative ramifications of the term “SWINGER”, I have cleverly come up with the term Non-Mon to describe people who do not necessarily believe that monogamy is essential for a healthy, loving relationship. In fact, there are many couples who actively explore their sexuality with people outside of their marriage and are wonderfully committed to each other. I know this sounds impossible to people who do not share this lifestyle, but I can assure you that it is not only possible, but those who have entered this world very rarely go back. I believe that as a group they tend to be much happier, and have much stronger marriages. Our society, religions, Walt Disney, and Lite FM have all given us sexual dis-information. We have been taught wrong. The result is what you see in the world around you every day. The state of Vanilla marriage is not very good, yet everyone enters into it with the same delusional expectations. Half of traditional Vanilla marriages end in divorce. They tend to be the lucky ones because most of the remaining fifty percent are at best unhappy. It takes courage to be happy though, and most people actually settle into their life sentence of sexual frustration rather than do something about it. It takes some serious UNLEARNING to become a NON-MON. So here are some guidelines. We are going to operate from the premise that you are married, in love, and don’t want to end up like the rest of these miserable Vanilla assholes… Honesty is the most important thing. Ever. Everything is predicated on that. No marriage can thrive without an equal partnership. No true partnership can exist when a moral and sexual double standard is applied to half of the team. In order to have a true partnership, each party must be honest about the standards they apply to one another. Each of you has the right to your sexuality, and your libido. Equally. A spouse should never try to discourage their partner’s wants, needs, desires, and most importantly, their feelings. That is not a loving act. By the same token, No one should ever attempt to impose his or her wants, needs, desires or feelings on anyone else. That is also not a loving act. Acknowledging your partner’s wants, needs, and desires through the expression of their libido is a loving act. We all have these feelings. It is natural. Jealousy kills relationships. Jealousy is a form of control. Love is never jealous. Love is always kind. Blah Blah Blah. Sex is really important to a marriage. To deny this is moronic. Have a lot of sex, you’ll be happier. O.K…. There is a set of guidelines, but like any lifestyle it really can’t be summed up so easily. I wrote this in the hopes that most people would be able to follow the logic. This will all make perfect sense to most people, and yet because of their life’s conditioning they won’t be able to apply it to sex within the confines of their marriage. That is where the UNLEARNING comes in. Most married people will see the logic in allowing their spouse freedom of expression and the pursuit of happiness in every other way except sex. Most married people live daily in sexual frustration. Even when this option is presented to them, they still can’t escape their Vanilla conditioning. They stay frustrated rather than make a change. There are common misconceptions that dissuade Vanilla people from making this leap. Here are some: “Monogamy is natural” Really? Are you sure about that? If that is the case then why do so many married people cheat on each other, and even more want to and are afraid of the consequences? Most people think they can remain monogamous, and find out after not too much time that they were fooling themselves. “Being in a consensual, non-monogamous relationship is the same as cheating” Wrong Einstein. The real act of “cheating” is the betrayal of trust. Sex is the culmination of that disloyalty to your spouse. Non-Mons eliminate the lying and the bullshit. We leave cheating to Vanillas. “Swingers are all fat losers” Hardly, in fact swingers, Non-Mons tend to stay more physically fit and attractive because their lifestyle requires that they keep their appearance appealing. No one wants to fuck a fat swinger. “Extra marital sex is irresponsible” Protection is the standard in the lifestyle. In fact, my experience tells me that Vanilla people tend to have more unprotected extra marital sex. “If my spouse really loved me, they wouldn’t want to be with anyone else” Total bullshit, even as people speak these words they know they don’t mean them. Everybody, and I mean everybody has extra marital attractions. It is perfectly natural. Once you are married you don’t lose the use of your eyes. You have no control over whom you are attracted to. “Being a Non-Mon is for trailer parks” No way, in fact for the most part it is a very affluent lifestyle. People who are sexually content tend to excel at other areas in their lives, including their careers and families. “It has to be bad for your children” Preposterous. First of all, NO ONE should share their sexual lifestyle with their children. Vanilla people have sex too. Just because you are a Non-Mon doesn’t mean that you would flaunt this in front of your kids. All the little ones want to know is whether Mom and Dad are happy. That is the biggest gift you can give them. “This will lead to a moral breakdown” Ridiculous. The frequency a person has sex has nothing to do with their moral character, nor does the manner in which they like to have it. Everybody has sex, so if you just do it with one person are you only slightly immoral? The most generous, kind, morally upstanding people I know are all Non-Mons. The sickest, most twisted things done throughout history were all done in the name of religion. Be careful when you determine what you think is moral, and what is done in the name of self-righteous indignation. “If I allow this, I will be perceived as inadequate” First of all, who are any of us to “allow” anything when it comes to another human being, let alone someone we love? But that being said, there are those who will not understand and think that you are making concessions. You can’t change what people will think. But yours and your spouse’s happiness should not be predicated on your fear of Vanilla perception. Is it better to be perceived as sexually frustrated, like most people? “This could make my spouse want to leave me” A common misconception. Sexual frustration is a more likely cause of your spouse abandoning you. “This is a male oriented lifestyle” Just the opposite is true. This all revolves around the women. They say yes or no. Anything that happens or doesn’t happen is due to the women defining the parameters of what everyone is comfortable with. Men tend to be along for the ride. “This demeans women” This is the most common form of bullshit that is thrown at the lifestyle. This EMPOWERS women. So Men can be sexually active and women can’t? What’s with the sexual double standard? Whose demeaning women here? The thought of a woman being relegated to second-class citizenship in any other way is absurd in our society, yet when it comes to sexuality Vanillas resent a woman who takes control of her own genetalia. Women are not property, and they can do what the hell they want to with their bodies.